By Jocelyn Evans
Your name will be Jocelyn Evans. Your character will be likable but insecure and of weak moral fiber. You will be very much like Jocelyn Evans in real life. You will look like her and have a similar life history. Like Jocelyn, your mother will have been Latvian. You will have grown up in the East Village neighborhood of Manhattan. Both of you will have been art curators and will have worked on a biennial at a major New York museum. Your real name will be Jocelyn Evans as well.
Naturally, people will confuse you with Jocelyn Evans. This will become a major problem for you. Being so similar to her, your own identity and hers will seem to merge. People will ascribe her actions to you and vice versa. You will never have given a blowjob to an artist in exchange for being included in an exhibition, but Jocelyn Evans will have. You will never have been fucked in the ass by one of your museum’s trustees on top of a gigantic earthwork, but Jocelyn Evans will have.
Still, you know what they say about dreams: every character is actually you. In reality, you and Jocelyn Evans will be one and the same. This will be because you made her up to begin with. Everything she will say will have been put in her mouth by you. All of her mistakes will be yours. Her few and rather pathetic victories will feel just as sweet to you as to her. You will even start to feel guilty for the blowjob you never gave. You will wonder if there’s any chance that trustee might have had AIDS.
You will start to get anxious. You will insist you are not Jocelyn Evans. You will obsess on all the things that make you really you. You will get another job, become a museum director, move to California. You will be happy. Your insecurity will lessen, your moral fiber improve. Things will really be looking up. Except for one thing of course: you will still be Jocelyn Evans.
Would changing your name solve the problem? You could be Larry Rinder, for example. That might put some distance between you and Jocelyn Evans. Larry Rinder, though, has even more in common with Jocelyn Evans than you will have, despite the similarity of your and Jocelyn Evans’ names. Because he really is Jocelyn Evans whereas you will only be someone who will have been assigned Jocelyn Evans’ name and identity for the sake of an online magazine writing assignment on the future of kayfabe.
Actually, Larry Rinder is not Jocelyn Evans either, though he’s not about to break kayfabe at this point. He’ll continue to pretend that he and Jocelyn Evans are the same person. He will point out that both he and Jocelyn Evans have Latvian mothers and that they both grew up in the East Village neighborhood of Manhattan. And all of that, at least, will be true.
At the future moment in which you exist, Jocelyn Evans will be thought to have disappeared. You will likely not have heard of her until the moment when you began reading this text. Yet, as you will come to understand, she does still exist. And Larry Rinder will be writing your name.
18 x 24 inches
Courtesy of the artist.